Losing your job Sucks

I’ve blogged about this before, but some things are worth repeating from time to time.

Losing your job really sucks. And it doesn’t matter if you find out about it ahead of time by 2mos, 2wks, or not until they walk you out the door, you’re going to feel like a complete failure.  And I don’t know, maybe you should, maybe you shouldn’t, but if you don’t get a handle on it and soon you’re going to find yourself in the middle of a depression that’s hard to get out of.  And once you’re there you’ll be useless for finding a job until you get out of it because everyone can see you’re depressed and nobody wants to hire someone who’s a major downer.  You can take some steps to avoid it though, and here’s what I do.

The first thing I do is learn something new.  I pick a single topic of something I really want to learn and I do it.  It’s important that you only pick a single topic though.  The reason is because if you’re already feeling like a failure, choosing to bone-up on SQL in general is only going to make you more depressed because it’s going to remind you how small you really are compared to the product.  There’s just too much to do.  So you pick one small thing and do that.  You can tackle a single feature much easier.  Maybe it’s not even a SQL topic you’re interested in.  Maybe you’ve always wanted to get started with ASP.NET, or HTML, or JavaScript, or Powershell, etc.  Pick one of those instead.  Now, you certainly won’t learn any of those overnight either, but at least it’s a solid topic you can practice and get better at.  This is very important because it shows you that you’re not a loser and you are capable of doing something.  It also gives you new confidence because you’ve added something significant that you like to your skillset.  And if something in IT isn’t what you’re dying to do, then take this time to learn French cooking, or the harmonica, or whatever.

The 2nd thing I do is I start working out.  This too is essential.  There are a couple reasons for this.  First, it’s something tangible.  Unless you’re just completely paralyzed it’s impossible to not see improvement.  You jog to the end of the street and you’re completely winded.  Then the next day (or later that day) you jog to the end of the street and go and extra 10ft.  The next time you go even farther… and so on and so on.  Or you lift weights and see some improvement there.  Do something physical.  Do it every day and do it to exhaustion.  Why exhaustion?  Well, that’s the 2nd reason.

Physical activity works out mental frustration.  It’s hard to be stressed when you’re too tired to walk.  So by working out really hard every day you go a long way to relieve your stress.  And if you’re the type to hold things in, you’re more likely to open up and talk when you’re tired.  This is why parents who know this, make their kids get on a treadmill or do some good exercise when they come home really upset and refuse to talk.  After a good workout they start talking.  This is also more or less how truth serums work.  They relax you to the point where you don’t have the energy to lie.  Lying takes energy and effort and if you’re really relaxed, you tend to not be able to exert that kind of effort.

All of this should help you achieve the ultimate goal that I’ll state now.  Your ultimate goal is to shift your self-worth from your job to something else.  If you place all your worth on your job and you just lost your job, then where does that leave you?  Completely worthless, that’s where.  But if your job is just something else you do and you’re succeeding at plenty of other things, well then you’re not worthless.  You just don’t currently have a job.  The point is that your job shouldn’t define who you are.  Instead, focus on your career.  Whether or not you have a job currently, you’re still a DBA.  Individual jobs come and go, but your career stays constant.

I’ve lost jobs before.  I think almost everyone has.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an idiot or you suck at what you do.  It may simply be that you weren’t right for that gig for whatever reason.  I’ve found that there are some shops that are so dysfunctional no sane person will ever be successful there.  Sometimes it’s a single person being enabled by the entire company, and sometimes it’s actually the entire company dynamic.  For whatever reason, you’re just not suited to that gig.  Ok, try to define what it is you can’t work with there and try to avoid that the next time.

So it may not be you who sucks at all.  Of course, it very well may be, and if that’s the case then improving your skills will be your 2nd priority.  Your first priority of course is to do what I said above and keep yourself out of the funk.  Because if you can’t do that then you’re not going anywhere.

3 thoughts on “Losing your job Sucks”

  1. Thanks Sean, I think this is not only great advice for after you lose your job, but also before. I know my current contract will be ending some time this year so I’m going to start following your advice now. And I think you’ll be pleased to know that for step number 1, I’m going to sit down with Don Jones “Learn PowerShell in a Month of Lunches” and your videos and study PowerShell.

    Thanks for all you do for the community.

    Tom

  2. Thanks Tom, y it was meant to be used whenever you know you’ll be out of work. Whether you know really far in advance, or right now. And of course, the more time you have the better you’ll be able to cope.
    Let me know how it goes for you.

  3. Great ideas Sean!

    Couple of things that have helped me the SQL Dba career are:
    -Networking with IT folks
    -Staying up on new technologies.

    Kash

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