SQL Server Musical Contest

Let me say from the start that this is a total ripoff of Brent Ozar's SQL Server TV Show Contest, and I don't care. Imitation, flattery, all that jazz.

This morning a few of us on Twitter were talking, like ya do, when Tim Ford (@sqlagentman) and Thomas LaRock (@sqlrockstar) sparked off a little burst of creativity with this:

  • @sqlagentman: New presentation planned for #SQLSat31 for beginners. Mashup of Dr. Seuss, Schoolhouse Rock, and SQL.
  • @sqlrockstar: oh yeah? I was thinking of doing a mash of "Mama Mia" and "Tommy" for my next talk.

So here's the deal: Reply in comments with your best SQL musical title and a little description. Please note that comments are moderated to keep out the spam; when you submit, your comment will appear to disappear for a while.

The best one entered by Tursday, March 18 wins "Inside Microsoft SQL Server 2008: T-SQL Querying" by Itzik Ben-Gan, Lubor Kollar, Denjan Sarka, and Steven Kass.  I'll start…

Phantom of the OPENROWSET – Evil haunts the OLEDB connections when rows appear that aren't persisted to disk…

Um. I made mine purposefully lame to encourage you. Yeah…yeah, go ahead and redo Phantom, somebody…

Happy days,
Jen McCown
http://www.MidnightDBA.com

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Code Sins: Coding Lonely, without a Map

One of the symptoms – or maybe sub-sins – of coding lonely is coding without requirements.  Let us start, as we so often do, with an analogy.

Road Trip!

We're planning a big road trip, you and I. We're going somewhere on vacation.  Here's what we've decided so far: we're taking my van, the SQLbus. We're going somewhere warm, we're taking your friend Steve, and we're splitting all the costs three ways.  Now, given this plan, how successful do you think we're going to be at achieving a decent vacation?  Nobody's even talked about specifically where we're headed – do we even agree on what "warm" means?? Nobody's talked about supplies, where or how we're sleeping and eating – campgrounds? motel? B&B? – the direction we're headed, how long we're staying, how much we're willing to spend, etc etc etc. 

With a vacation like that, you're going to head out in a random direction; drive around for four times longer than you want to in THE most boring, backwater, ugly places possible; spend TEN times what you wanted to, and get next to no value out of it; and argue with your roadmates the whole way through.

This, my friend, is how software is developed and sold in shops all over the world every day.  Make no mistake: there are shops that do it up right, with requirements, tech specs, and solid code. May their days be fruitful and their nights free of support calls.
  But we're not preaching to those shops. We're preaching to the poor lost souls who wander, nearly directionless, through the deep mists of scope creep.

Okay, okay, enough waxing poetic.

Without clear directions from the business owners, you can't create clear tech specs, without which you can't create a system that works. In a shop that works without real requirements, everyone is used to coding lonely.  A revolutionary idea like gathering and documenting business rules will most likely meet with a lot of resistance.  Even if it doesn't, getting real requirements is something of an art form. You can't just send the BA an email to say "We need your requirements".  You have to sit down in a room with the business folk and developers, talk it out, write it down, poke holes in the use cases.  As you move through the development lifecycle, you'll have to revisit and update those requirements.

This stuff isn't fun, which is why nobody does it.  But while you can just hit the road with a friend and a credit card, you can't pin the success of your business on the planning methodology of a college road trip.

Happy days,
Jen McCown
http://www.MidnightDBA.com

P.S. Yes, I know I should've photoshopped the image to read "Code Trip", but gimme a break…it's not my strong suit, and it's past midnight!

Women’s Day + Technology

This was rather a difficult blog to write, mostly because I feel like I have an underdeveloped grasp of women's issues.  I'm a fierce proponent of women's rights – people's rights in general – but in my mind I'm still stepping around the sensitive spots in society.  If I seem a bit awkward today, you will – I hope – understand why.


Today is International Women's Day, which is one hell of a big coincidence. I didn't know about the national day, but I was thinking hard today about Women in Technology.  Did you know there's a SQLPASS WIT virtual chapter?  I only heard of it last year.  And I have to admit to you, again, that when I first heard about the Women in Technology group, I rolled my eyes.  I quickly changed my mind at the WIT Luncheon at PASS09:

"Someone asked me yesterday what the big deal was with women in technology, why do we need our own cause?  …at a base level it's largely about this lingering underlying assumption that certain things are men's jobs, not women's." – From my blog on the SQLPASS09 Women in Technology Luncheon

In my PASS recap (that's the eye roll blog, above), I said, "I'm going to get involved when I get back, and be sure to bring my daughter to a meeting or two.  …she needs to see that what I do – being a technogeek – is really something cool and worthwhile."  Well I went looking around, and as it turns out, we don't have a local chapter of WIT, or anything like it. I'm thinking hard about starting a Dallas chapter of WIT, and I keep circling back to that same question: Why do women in technology need our own group? What can a group for women do for women?

It feels like a strange pond to jump into. On the one hand, gender differences in the workplace really seem like they should be a thing of the past. It seems almost silly, or as if we're trying to play The Woman Card, to say that there's a big enough need for WIT to form a local chapter in Dallas. But when I look at it closer, there are a number of things that speak to the need for a gender-centric group. Like I said, I want to show my daughter – all my kids, really – the reality of equal opportunity, equal ability.  And "women in tech" is a subject people love to talk about. There are some specialized issues, and there are specialized attitudes and feelings about it.

The other big thing that has me really interested in starting this chapter is this: At any given SQL user group meeting or conference, men outnumber women 20 to 1 at least.  In the workforce, men outnumber women. This tells me that something is bringing more men to the field, or at least to the meetings, than women.  Technology is an amazing, enthralling, and well-paying field, and I want to help make tech careers as available as possible.  It's not about excluding men – WIT loves involved men in tech. I think it must be about blowing away the last few cobwebs of "that's not for you, little girl".

Happy days,
Jen McCown
http://www.MidnightDBA.com