Women in Tech: Finding Allies #PASSDataSummit

The WIT panel spoke on an excellent topic today: needing, and finding, allies at work.

Afterward and for the first time ever, I stood and spoke publicly about something in IT that traumatized me. Here is what I said.


The panel makes an excellent point about watching out for opportunities to be an ally, e.g., to someone who is being discriminated against or silenced.
I want to point out that what this looks like in the real world isn’t always clear.

Story Time

Years ago in a technical space, I made a rather big faux pas. Some folks very senior in that space went out of their way to call out that faux pas publicly — but not to me directly. And there ensued an extended dogpile, which went on after I’d apologized.

I had one-on-one talks with the folks who seemed the most upset, and in many cases we came to a good understanding.
But during and after the whole kerfuffle, NO ONE stood up for me. NO one ever apologized for piling on.
The faux pas was deeply embarrassing. There were professional consequences.

But it was that mass attack against one person standing alone…that was genuinely traumatic for me, for years.
It’s not always obvious when a situation calls for an ally.
HOW do we better recognize, in the moment, that “Oh, this absolutely isn’t okay”?


The panel answered and were very supportive. But in asking the question, I found my own answer.

What would have helped me in that situation? When those people were piling on, what would have made a positive impact and lessened my trauma?

If one single person had said, publicly, “Guys. Let’s slow down a minute. This is a lot.”

What’s the moral?

That’s it…that’s the moral. Sometimes all you have to do is say, out loud, “Hold up, let’s calm down.”

Being an ally can meant a lot of things, of course. But first, you have to see the disaster in progress.


Postscript

I came into the DBA space because of my mentor and partner, Sean. That’s been wonderful.
Until I asked the panel the question today, though, it had never occurred to me before:
I wouldn’t still be in SQL Server at all if I didn’t have that one ally – Sean – by my side while the dogpile was going on. I would be one of the MANY women who left tech because of that absolutely horrid experience.

Photo by Nicolas Cool on Unsplash

2023 PASS Data Community Summit

Hello, and welcome to the first of my annual flurry of blog posts about the upcoming PASS Summit!

If you’re NOT attending, take advantage of the free streaming content here!

-Me. Just now.

Jen, what are you doing?

I’m writing about Summit, friendo!

Oh wait, you probably meant “…at PASS”.

Welp, I’m doing a few things:

  1. Monday Donut Meetup! It’s donuts for dinner again, so come hang out. If registration is full, go ahead and email me: Jen aaaaaaat MidnightDBA.com
  2. Hosting morning meditation sessions on Tuesday and Thursday at 7:45am.
  3. #SQLRun on Wednesday morning. Well, actually, SQLWalk for me…I haven’t run in a few years now.
  4. Keynotes. Because keynotes can be interesting.
  5. Attending the Women in Tech lunch on Thursday, which is also Kilt Day!!

There’s lots more, of course I can’t make sure that I touch on EVERYTHING!

More Info…

Meditation Session – 30 minutes

Dates:

  • Tuesday, Nov 14 @ 7:45 am,
  • Thursday, Nov 16 @ 7:45 am

Location: Room 205

Hosted by: Jen McCown

Join me for 30 minutes of peaceful meditation at Summit!

We’ll practice Shambhala meditation, a secular approach that offers a simple yet profound way to experience inner calm and clarity.

All are welcome to participate in this moment of stillness, whether you’re new to meditation or an experienced practitioner. Just come with an open heart, and a willingness to be quiet and respectful as we meditate together!


Paraphrased from Wikipedia:

Shambhala meditation’s technique involves sitting with legs loosely crossed, maintaining good posture, leaving your eyes slightly open, and focusing your attention on the out-breath. As you breathe out, you may experience a sense of dissolving, with no specific attention required during the in-breath.

Keep your hands face down on your thighs and, if your mind starts to wander, simply label your thoughts as ‘thinking’ before gently returning your focus to the out-breath.

Meditation, as described in Shambhala, is a natural state of the human mind – at rest, open, and alert. It’s a practice that can help you find a sense of peace and clarity in our fast-paced world.


Have any questions or need more information? Reach out to Jen at Jen aaaat MidnightDBA.com with the subject “Summit meditation.”

Let’s come together to cultivate a sense of inner stillness and mindfulness in the midst of a busy tech conference. See you there!

What is Discord, and can I have some shortcuts?

Discord is a VoIP and instant messaging social platform. Users have the ability to communicate with voice calls, video calls, text messaging, media and files in private chats or as part of communities called “servers”.

– Wikipedia

That answers the first question. And yes, you may have some shortcuts!

Discord tips and text shortcuts

  • Highlight some text and use CTRL-B to bold, or just use double asterisks on either side of your text, like: **bold**
  • For italics: CTRL-I or single asterisks: *italics*
  • For underline: CTRL-U or double underscores for __underline__
  • For strikethrough: use double tildes: ~~strikethrough~~
  • To cover text for spoilers or trigger/content warnings, it’s double pipes:
    ||This is a spoiler.|| [See the image below for an example of spoiler text.]
  • To blockquote text, use the “greater than” symbol: >
    > This is block quote text.
  • And backticks (`code`) for code:
    This is code
Screenshot of text from Discord. The screenshot text is the same as the text written above, but you can see that the "spoilers" text example is blacked out.

SQL Server Community Discord

If you’d like to join the SQL Server Community Discord server, go to this page. The password is a full query: just select the first column from the system objects table. (All lowercase, single spaces, no brackets, no semicolon.)

If you have trouble with the password, ping me on Counter.Social, Mastodon, email (jen [at] midnightdba dot com), or Twitter.