Jes Borland Hosts the 2011 WIT Luncheon
Click here to watch today’s WIT luncheon live. For information on today’s luncheon and speakers, see the SQLPASS.org page on Keynotes.
12:00 Geoff Hitten, BOD member and WIT dude (okay, I don’t know his official title). Introduced Jes Borland. This is the 9th annual WIT lunch at PASS Summit. Sponsored by SQL Sentry. WIT chapter is not limited to women! Jes thanks volunteers and organizers.
AspiringGeek (Jimmy May): At #passwit @grrlgeek asks #sqlkilt men to stand. I’m drawing the line if asked to curtsy #sqlpass
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12:04 Introducing panelists: Yanni Robel, Dale Clark, Karen Lopez, Sharon Dooley. Topic today is how to make yourself heard, how to ask for what you want. I’ve been having this coversation a LOT lately, with both men and women, so I’m particularly interested in this year’s discussions.
12:05 Yanni talks about getting the opportunity to go to SQL Connections for the first time; she said she was the only woman to volunteer, and the others were very reticent. “It’s very important to ASK… In order to get what you want, you need to start asking.”
12:09 Dale says it’s a big issue between technologists. “We’re not necessarily wired the same way as everyone else. … We have a tendency not to communicate as well with people around us, to help us move forward. I recommend you set up continuous communications with people [who can help you].”
12:14 Karen: “Surprisingly, I have an opinion on this. … We were taught to be good, work really hard, and you’ll get rewarded for it. Unfortunately, most of us women believed that the world really works that way. … As a manager what I’ve noticed is that women don’t ask for what they want.” Karen quotes this stat: Only 7% of female college graduates negotiate the offered salary.
“It’s important to be your own best marketing officer. When someone recognizes that you did good work, take that as a compliment” before you also say it was a team effort. Karen is speaking some really excellent truth, and this five-or-so segment of the broadcast should be required viewing as orientation for EVERY woman.
12:18 Sharon agrees with Karen, that we do have that hard training to BE NICE. “Don’t worry that they’ll call you something bad!” Don’t be afraid to say I, to take credit. “I’m supposed to be a team player, I’m supposed to sit quietly. It’s hard to break through that.”
I really like her, and what she’s saying. The word that comes to my mind is “pushy”…we have to resolve ourselves to be pushy, because what that really means is “determined.
@AliRazeghi : #PASSWIT Sharon Dooley sounds VERY experienced! It’s an inspiration to hear some of her wisdom. TY @sqlpass_de @sqlpass!
12:23 First comment from the audience is Kalen Delaney (@SQLQueen on Twitter): “I’ve had a lot of success in my career … but I still do findm yself thinking that I have to be nice, and if I’m not nice (and sometimes I’m not), I feel really really bad about it.”
Second questioner: What is something you’ve learned that can help us empower ourselves, to get the confidence to be able to ask? Yanni: Uses a personal board of directors, she runs ideas by them to get their objective opinions. I definitely agree…you need a TEAM to go to and say, what about THIS? And this is definitely not just for women; I’ve been part of many people’s crew (as we call them), men and women. Karen: Act confident, and the feeling will follow. Also great advice.
12:30 @Kendra_Litte: How to prepare to ask for a raise? Sharon: Sit down quietly and outline what I’ve accomplished since the last pay increase. Yanni: Do your research, do your homework! Dale says to ask your HR department for the salary range for your position, but I think that’s a lousy piece of advice. Not only will HR absolutely NOT answer that question, but it gives the impression that you’re jobhunting.
12:36 Sean (MY Sean) gets up to say that companies don’t understand the value of DBAs, so what do you do to help educate the upper echelon (decision makers) that this personis worth keeping, because not all DBAs are equal. Yanni: I keep a list of my accomplishments.
Nicole Phillips says that you have to prove yourself over and over again. How do you deal with that? Sharon: “I don’t think you ever get out of having to prove yourself over and over again. I haven’t found that nirvana state.” Ohhhhh, this woman is full of #WIN.
@kbriankelly: DBAs have to prove themselves over and over again as a general rule. Ask @SQLRockstar about a certain developer… #passwit
Comment by a young lady: It’s important to say thank you to managers in appreciation of training, and a summary of what was learned. I rather like that, I think I will.
Comment: What would you do for a Klondike bar? Would you endure a 5 minute awkward conversation? That’s all it comes down to. VERY nice.
@Mike_Fal: A very liberating phase ”What’s the worst they’ll say? No?” #passwit #sqlpass
12:45 Comment: People don’t take you seriously when you make suggestions. How do you get credibility? Yanni: Document! Sharon: “Make sure that you’re actually making a statement.” Women have a tendancy to use the intonation of a question. (The entire room nods and murmurs in agreement.) That just takes training and practice, it’s a learnable skill.
@kr4ster: #passwit could you clarify “… use the intonation of a question..”?
Me: Say “I’d like to implement change control.” Now say it again, raising the tone of the last word, like a question. It becomes “I’d like to implement change control?” It’s very common, shows that your’e not being confident, & ppl blow past it.
@kr4ster: Gotcha.. yeah, I’ve been working on that myself (I’m a #mit not a #wit )
A first timer gets up to say, this is cool: Peoples is Peoples! What can we do as men, to help women in the nonobvious ways (beyond treating everyone equally)? Sharon: “LISTEN to me, honestly.” Dale: Understand your team, each individual. I’m a “recovering introvert”.
12:51 Question: What do you recommend for your kids, to get them to be assertive (especially girls in school)? Karen: You can be a good self-marketer without being boastful. She says, People would say to my brother “what do you want to be when you grow up?”, and say to me “aren’t you pretty?” We treat boys and girls differently. Being assertive is also a good safety thing. Sharon: “A lot of what I’ve accomplished is a result of the ways I was raised, I was expected to help fix my bike, my brother was expected to wash the dishes.”
Question: When I get on to work I have to tell myself to put on my Mommy hat, because at home I’m non-negotiable. How to react to unprofessional behavior? Yanni: Challenge them. My commentary: Yanni’s putting an emphasis on nice in her last couple of answers, which is interesting, because I draw a definite line between nice and professional. I can be professional without going out of my way to be nice, especially to someone who’s being a jackass in a work environment. Dale uses the phrase “Which part of this don’t you like?”
@BenchmarkIT: #PASSWIT Huge thanks to you all… I’m raising a 2 yr old daughter and am SO thankful for groups like this. Well done all of you #SQLPASS
Question: Work-life balance? Yanni: You have to set boundaries! The company will otherwise build an expectation. Of course, we’re DBAs, so sometimes we have to stay late. But then maybe you’ll take the next day off. But it starts by you asking.
@DBAWayne: If you’re having problems asking, go ask more. You get confidence with practice.
@kr4ster : It’s good to practice all interactions, not just asking.. remember, every friend/co-worker is an opp to practice!
Question: How do you deal with discrimination when asking for a raise? Karen: I’ve heard this several times, “But you have a husband with a good salary. He’s got a limited amount of funds that he has to reallocate, so “ That’s assuming that my value to the company is based on something extrenal to the company. And that’s how I put it. I don’t file a complaint. I now know I have the options of eitehr convincing him, or finding another company where I can contribute and be paid well. We women don’t ask, we undervalue our salaries and our expectation for our salaries, and it’s probably becuase we don’t go out and get that data. Just keep the discussion abotu what it shoudl be.
Yanni: For me it’s about training, Iask for training and I get asked “Don’t you have kids?” Just because I’m a mother, that doesn’t mean I cant’ make arrangements. I grew up in indonesia, so I’m so used to that kind of sexist comment from my childhood. I thougt it would be different in the U.S. But fortunately I’ve never had that same experience as Karen.
Back to me… Whew! That’s 1500 words for ya. This has been a truly wonderful, amazing luncheon! Thanks so much again to SQL Sentry for sponsoring and donating! (And thanks to Heather in the AV booth for allowing me a seat, a space, and a plug!)