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Today I set out to seek the answer to that age-old question: Will eating a floppy carrot kill you?  Be brave, my minions. If I am sent into the void, at least it were for science.

Edit: It’s two hours later, and I’m not dead yet. I am sneezing a lot, though. I can only reach the conclusion that limp carrots make you sneeze. It’s hard to put myself on the line like this, but it’s worth it, knowing that you’re all that much safer. You’re welcome.