Well, I actually have a love/hate relationship with speaking.  I’ve read that there are 2 types of speakers, those who get nervous before going on stage, and liars.  Sure, I don’t expect that you’ll have the same level of nerves after you’ve been doing it for 10yrs, but there’s still going to be a bit of butterflies going on no matter what. 

I think it’s the process I like though.  Coming up with an idea is crucial.  I can never come up with anything when I want to.  My best sessions are inspired and they pretty much write themselves once I get the right inspiration.  However, there’s still getting all the demos ready, and figuring out exactly what I want to say.  It’s a big part of the process.

Next, it’s submitting the abstract.  This can be just as hard as doing the session itself because you have no idea who’s on the other end reading it and coming up with the exact wording that’ll get you picked is a crap shoot most of the time.  I’ve seen popular, experienced speakers get turned down in lieu of “nobodies”.  So sitting there with someone, in my case Jen, and coming up with that poetry that’ll get you noticed over all the others is a fun part of the process.  It’s like going up on a rollercoaster.  You’re heading up that first hill just waiting to see if you’re going on the rest of the ride or if it’s going to break down and leave you sitting at the top having to walk back down.  It’s kinda like a little nerdy xmas.

Now you’re at the event and it’s the day of your session and time to make sure demos are working.  Well, are they?  You get them all worked out, get your environment reset and do it again.  Then reset it again.  Everything’s perfect.  Time to get to your session without a moment to lose.

You’re now on the platform watching people come in and just hoping that you have decent attendance.  Then it happens.  The thing you dread every time you speak.  You see an MCM walk in and sit down in the back.  DAMMIT!  Now I’ve gotta make sure I don’t say anything stupid.  But wait, what’s this?  Another MCM?  He’s coming up to the front and promising he’ll be listening intently.  Then 2 MVPs come in together and sit next to a couple guys from the product team.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?  Ok, session’s over.  I’m putting on Blazing Saddles for you guys instead .  It’s alright.  I can do this.  These guys aren’t here to see you fail, they’re just here to tweet it if you do.  No worries.

So now you start your session and your first demo has an error.  Oh come on man… I triple checked it.  WTx is the problem?  Ok, it’s easily fixable.  No worries.  Everything’s back on track.  The next demo goes well so now it’s smooth sailing.  Now the questions start coming in.  This first one is easy.  The next 2 I haven’t really thought of.  Hope I know enough about this topic off the top of my head to be able to answer it in front of the A-Team down there.  I see they’ve got their thumbs on the twitter buttons on their phones.  Now the thumbs are going crazy.  What did I say?  Was it stupid?  Can’t stop now, time to move on.  Now a complicated topic comes up and while the demo goes well questions start popping up.  Again with the thumbs guys, WTx?  Now the next topic and there are already questions.  A burning look goes to the MCMs.  If you guys even move I’m breaking your thumbs.

Session’s over now.  More questions are coming in and whether you know them or not you’re hitting your stride.  You try as hard as you can to remember some of them so you can add them to your session next time.  The MCMs come up and say they thought it was great and they never really thought about it that way before.  SCORE!!!  You pack up your stuff and leave the room and as soon as you get out you put everything down and check twitter to see what the hell those guys were tweeting so much.  “In session with MidnightDBA.  Backup tuning is awesome.” — “Backup tuning with MidnightDBA.  I’ve never seen that trace flag before.  This is the best!” — “Our tweeting is making him nervous.  Keep it up guys!”

So do I like presenting?  Hell YEAH!